From: "Clint A. Brubakken" <cabrubak@acm.org>
Subject: The Real Debate - behind the scenes
To: cabrubak@acm.org
Date: Thu, 19 Oct 2000 10:16:36 -0500
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I received the following transcript of the last
presidential debate from "Dim Democracy," my
source for background information during this
campaign. Apparently, the following part of the
debate was not broadcast.


Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the second presidential
debate between Vice President Al Gore and Gov. 
George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on
these rules: I will ask a question. The candidate
will ignore the question and deliver rehearsed
remarks designed to appeal to undecided women
voters. The opponent will then have one minute to
respond by trying to frighten senior citizens into
voting for him. When a speaker's time has
expired, I will whimper softly while he continues
to spew incomprehensible statistics for three more
minutes. Let's start with the vice president.

Mr. Gore, can you give us the name of a
downtrodden citizen and then tell us his or her
story in a way that strains the bounds of common
sense?

Gore: As I was saying to Tipper last night after
we tenderly made love the way we have so often
during the 30 years of our rock-solid marriage,
the downtrodden have a clear choice in this
election. My opponent wants to cut taxes for the
richest 1 percent of Americans. I, on the other
hand, want to put the richest 1 percent in an iron
clad lockbox so they can't hurt old people like
Roberta Frampinhamper, who is here tonight. Mrs.
Frampinhamper has been selling her internal
organs, one by one, to pay for gas so that she can
travel to these debates and personify problems for
me. Also, her poodle has arthritis.

Lehrer: Gov. Bush, your rebuttal.

Bush: Governors are on the front lines every day,
hugging people, crying with them, relieving
suffering anywhere a photo opportunity exists. I
want to empower those crying people to make their
own decisions, unlike my opponent, whose mother is
not Barbara Bush.

Lehrer: Let's turn to foreign affairs. Gov. 
Bush, if Slobodan Milosevic were to launch a bid
to return to power in Yugoslavia, would you be
able to pronounce his name?

Bush: The current administration had eight years
to deal with that guy and didn't get it done. If
I'm elected, the first thing I would do about that
guy is have Dick Cheney confer with our allies. 
And then Dick would present me several options for
dealing with that guy. And then Dick would tell
me which one to choose. You know, as governor of
Texas, I have to make tough foreign policy
decisions every day about how we're going to deal
with New Mexico.

Lehrer: Mr. Gore, your rebuttal.

Gore: Foreign policy is something I've always been
keenly interested in. I served my country in
Vietnam. I had an uncle who was a victim of
poison gas in World War I. I myself lost a leg in
the Franco-Prussian War. And when that war was
over, I came home and tenderly made love to Tipper
in a way that any undecided woman voter would find
romantic. If I'm entrusted with the office of
president, I pledge to deal knowledgeably with any
threat, foreign or domestic, by putting it in an
iron clad lockbox. Because the American people
deserve a president who can comfort them with
simple metaphors.

Lehrer: Vice President Gore, how would you reform
the Social Security system?

Gore: It's a vital issue, Jim. That's why Joe
Lieberman and I have proposed changing the laws of
mathematics to allow us to give $50,000 to every
senior citizen without having it cost the federal
treasury a single penny until the year 2250. In
addition, my budget commits $60 trillion over the
next 10 years to guarantee that all senior
citizens can have drugs delivered free to their
homes every Monday by a federal employee who will
also help them with the child-proof cap.

Lehrer: Gov. Bush?

Bush: That's fuzzy math. I know, because as
governor of Texas, I have to do math every day. I
have to add up the numbers and decide whether I'm
going to fill potholes out on Rt. 36 east of
Abilene or commit funds to reroof the sheep barn
at the Texas State Fairgrounds.

Lehrer: It's time for closing statements.

Gore: I'm my own man. I may not be the most
exciting politician, but I will fight for the
working families of America, in addition to
turning the White House into a lusty pit of
marital love for Tipper and me.

Bush: It's time to put aside the partisanship of
the past by electing no one but Republicans.

Lehrer: Good night.

******************

P.S. I have no idea who wrote this.


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Message: 7
   Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2000 23:32:52 -0500
   From: dormanbk@swbell.net
Subject: Al Gore V. George Bush, Sat. Nite Boxing

    Let them fight it out, maybe someone will win. If not so what. They
need to find another line of work. Anyone can put on a show, but either
put up or shut up. We as citizens are getting sick, of these two showing
there you know what. We need someone with common sense, whom can be
responsible for there actions. That someone is Ralph Naders today, not
tomorrow. These other two subjects, just keep repeating themselves over
and over again. Let me repeat what the governor said. Let me go back to
what my opponent said. These two people want to be in charge of the
White House. Wow what a choice. GO  RALPH NADERS , you are the only one
that can make a differents.

Riverside Well Water Homeowners Assn.


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