Aihuxi.113 net.lang.apl utcsrgv!utzoo!decvax!ucbvax!ihnss!ihuxi!otto Tue Mar 30 14:57:47 1982 Recreational APL I would like to remind users that there is a "Recreational APL" column in *APL Quote Quad* by my friend Jim Brown at the IBM Santa Teresa Laboratory. The jist of the current column is that Jim has appointed himself the "APL Joke Editor," and is currently looking for jokes that could convievably be about empty arrays. If you have a favorite empty-array joke, please send it to Jim Brown "APL Joke Editor" 6828 Eldridge Drive San Jose, California USA 95120 or, if you like, I will send them in for you. If you would like me to do the sending, just say something like "Please submit this to the APL Joke Contest" in the entry, and I will take it from there (giving you the credit, of course). The first entries in the contest are as follows: 1) Customer: I'd like to have strawberries without cream. Waiter: We haven't any cream. Customer: Do you have yogurt? Waiter: Sure, we have yogurt. Customer: Okay, I'll have them without yogurt. 2) Lady: What price are your pork chops? Butcher: $5.98 per pound. Lady: That's outrageous! Mr. Schmidt, down the street, charges only $3.98 per pound. Butcher: Why don't you buy them from Mr. Schmidt, then? Lady: He's all out of them today. Butcher: Lady, when I'm all out of chops, I charge only $2.98 for them. 3) Man to lady at party: Didn't I meet you in Zanzibar last year? Lady: No, I've never been to Zanzibar. Man: Meither have I. It must have been two other people. 4) 5) How many empty arrays does it take to screw in a light bulb? The last two are somewhat questionable, but were published for having been submitted and fitting the criteria of the contest.. The rules to the contest (as repeated from p.24 of V.12, N.2 *APL Quote Quad*) are as follows: --Any story dealing with emptiness, nothingness, the absence of something, something left out, or zeroness (as in the shape of an empty vector) is acceptable. --Pictures, drawings, and cartoons are acceptable, if not copyrighted (but they will not be published in *APL Quote Quad*; they may be published elsewhere). --Cash prizes will not exceed 10 dollars. --Jim Brown is the sold judge of the contest. --There is no time limit on entries. So come on, let's see wht the people on this net can come up with! George Otto Bell Labs, Indian Hill ----------------------------------------------------------------- gopher://quux.org/ conversion by John Goerzen of http://communication.ucsd.edu/A-News/ This Usenet Oldnews Archive article may be copied and distributed freely, provided: 1. There is no money collected for the text(s) of the articles. 2. The following notice remains appended to each copy: The Usenet Oldnews Archive: Compilation Copyright (C) 1981, 1996 Bruce Jones, Henry Spencer, David Wiseman.