Asdcattb.118
net.jokes
utcsrgv!utzoo!decvax!ucbvax!ucsfcgl!sdcarl!sdcatta!sdcattb!wa125
Sun Feb 28 14:56:12 1982
But can they make good guacamole??
			   *Experiment*

	The literature on intraspecies communication is
voluminous.  Allen A. Boraiko (1981) reports a high incidence
of shrill hissing and extremely piquant odoriferous mating
behavior among American cockroaches (Periplaneta americana).
A study by Austrian zoologist Karl Von Frish (1967) suggests 
that bees may communicate to the hive the location of
flowers by performing an intricate dance.  John Lilly (1961)
has collected a great deal of data suggesting that bottlenose
dolphins can converse acoustically.  Other similiar studies
examine incidences of intraspecies communications among 
chimpanzees, crocodiles, birds, and a wide variety of other
creatures (not to mention human beings!)

	A less extensive literature also exists on interspecies
communication, but there has been a distinct paucity of
work devoted to information exchange between human and rat.
This fact was the primary motivation behind the present
paper, which attempts to elucidate the ways and extent to
which human beings and rats are able to communicate.

	Subjects were twenty hooded rats, specially bred
for ingenuousness.  Perrier water and Purina rat chow 
were available at all times in home cages for the duration
of the  experiment.  The floor of the experimental condition 
cages was a standard five mm mesh shock grid.  The power supply
to the grid was configured to deliver an extra-nasty cueing 
potential when triggered externally.  Ten rats were randomly
assigned to the outfitted cages.  The remaing ten were
randomly assigned to control cages.  As standard set of
instructions was read to all subjects, followed by a
selection from T.S. Eliot's poem "The Wasteland," followed 
by, in the experimental case, an electric cueing potential.
The instructions directed the rat to jump two cm. into the 
air on cue if it enjoyed and understood the selection.  Two
trials with each rat were made.  The results clearly show
that the rats int he experimental condition group outperformed
the rats int the control group.  In fact, several particularly
enthused rats jumped as high as seven cm above the
cage floor.  Rats in the control group were typically
torpid and manifested not even minro signs of interest in
the selection.

	The resuts from the investigation clearly indicate
that rats are capable of grasping and reacting to spoken commands.
All rats in the experimental group responded immediately to the
cue.  Rats in the control group, realizing that the shock cue 
would not be coming, did not react.  It is greatly interesting to 
note here that rats will not respond to commands which they
believe are unreasonable.  This phenonemon closely resembles certain
ratiocinative processes in intelligent human beings.

	In conclusion, the present data provide compelling
evidence that rats are not only able to decode and respond to
spoken English verbalizations, but are artistically sensitive,
cognizant, and could probably run the country pretty well.

					-- Steve ms
					ratdom's lonely documenter

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 Bruce Jones, Henry Spencer, David Wiseman.